Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
