I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
