My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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