My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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