I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
