so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
