if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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