You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
