i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
