Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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