Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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