google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
