so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
