The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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