Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
