One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
