it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i just had sex bonerless
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
