yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
