we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
