why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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