people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
