EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
