theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
