i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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