he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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