Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
