i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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