***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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