i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
