He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
