fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
