i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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