I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
