splinters make it hard to masturbate
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
