Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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