i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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