well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
