Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
