Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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