you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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