I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
