Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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