im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
