Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
