I need help removing her.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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