If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
