I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
