I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
