This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
