I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
